FWD This: You're Dumb!

Okay, I have to get something off of my chest.

I hate hate hate people who send chain-letter forwards.

Many years now have I been forced to wade through a veritable mountain of forwards in my email inbox. Each with its desperately clever sayings, "funny" poems, secret cash prizes, deep and profound meaningful messages, religious and/or patriotic propaganda, and inevitably, in the end, without exception, some vindictive, evil voodoo curse. Untold happiness awaits you if only you keep the chain alive. And for those of you who don't, well, forget about ever falling in love, having children, remaining disease free, or living past next Tuesday.

And silently, though, believe me, no less judgmentally, I have simply acquiesced to their presence in my life. But now a line has been crossed. People are now beginning to send them to me via text message. Read my lips : This is unacceptable. And I am here to say that I am drawing my line in the sand.

Whenever I open one such forwarded message (emailed, texted, or otherwise) my first thought is to question the intelligence of its sender. How is it that I am even friends with this person? Do they actually believe this? And, moreover, did they think for a second that I would appreciate it? Really? Have they met me? I mean, honestly. What the hell, yo?

If you are one such sender, and you know who you are, it isn't too late. Please. I beg you. Stop sending them. Period. Not just to me, to everyone.

I think I speak for the rest of humanity when I say that we can do without this bullshit in our lives. If, and when, you hit that send button to take up precious time from my life with someone else's message, you had better be damned sure that I am going to be riveted by it, that I will literally wet my pants from hysterical laughter, or that you genuinely believe that I will weep, openly. If not, do me a favor, go sell crazy somewhere else. We're all full here.