Sunday, July 20, 2008
Happy Birthday Dear Jennifer: Caketastrify: or, When bad people happen to good cakes
Maybe we have all had those moments, where everything you touch seems to turn to shit. You are sitting at your table, frosting what you hope will become an awe inspiring work of edible art, and much to your own surprise it all comes together effortlessly, and is even more gorgeous than you ever imagined it could be. "Damn I'm good" you think to yourself, as you jauntily reach for your morning cup of coffee, basking in your own undeniable genius. This skill, this amazing skill that oozes from your very pores, well let's just say it, you are a god! And even though you know that it is perfect as is, that no cake ever has or ever will look as good as this one does at this very moment, you think, "hmmmmm, well maybe if I just. . ." and then it happens, the beginning of the end. Step by step, as if predestined by some higher power as punishment for your vanity, you begin nit picking, fussing, and over improving your masterpiece until it slowly disintegrates into little more than a big pile of steaming cat puke . Your gilded lily is now beyond rescue. "But...but...but..." it's no use. No matter what you do now, no matter how hard you try, you can only make it worse. "Step away from the cake!" you tell yourself. "No...no...I really CAN fix this....but ...see...wait...if I just...but.... yeah...yeah....ah...f*ck." You stand up, pouting, stomping around the house, snapping at anyone who dares come within earshot, disgusted with yourself, ashamed at the shear magnitude of your failure. How can something so simple, so beautiful, so well intended, go so horribly, horribly wrong? Such was the story of my morning. And while it did (allegedly) look somewhat presentable in the end (see above) it pails in comparison to what it was, or might have been. Desperately, still having to show my face in public, I roasted some shrimp and blended up a spicy chimichurri, to distract from, or make up for, the abject state of my failed attempt at cake greatness.
Posted by Jacob Blankenship at 1:02 AM